The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler - Chelsea Skidmore - Wild Child Transcript and Discussion (2024)

Comedy

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Starting point is 00:00:51 We're over here doing it in the Night Pant Studios. I'm Ryan Sickler, ryansickler.com. Ryan Sickler on all social media. Check out the new website. Check out the new merch. Make sure you're subscribed to the YouTube channel. We've got a lot of stuff going on over there. You're going to see some more videos and shows coming your way soon.

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Starting point is 00:02:45 There's the biz. Now, if you're returning to the show, thank you for your support. If you're new, what we do over here is we highlight the lowlights. I always say these are the stories behind the storytellers. Today, no different. I know we're going to hear some crazy stuff, and I'm very excited to have her here first time on The Honeydew. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Chelsea Skidmore, everybody. Welcome to The Honeydew, girl. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for being here. We've been talking

Starting point is 00:03:16 quite a bit before we started recording, so I'm excited to sit down here and do this with you. But before we do, please plug, promote everything you'd like. I have a podcast called The Chelsea Skidmore Show. You can get that everywhere you listen to podcasts. Check it out on YouTube. And yeah, check out my Instagram at Chelsea Skidmore. Skidmore Chelsea on Twitter. And

Starting point is 00:03:37 I got some cool mugshot shirts right now for sale. I did see that. Are we going to hear about that story? Yeah, we can tell. it's my mug shot from when i was 16 and got arrested they're pretty cool shirts they're super soft uh 25 bucks plus shipping so uh head to my instagram and place an order because they're super dope and everyone loves them so yeah they are great yeah um all right so we've been talking i didn't know much about your personal life or anything like that.

Starting point is 00:04:05 I know your husband, Stephen Randolph, who if you guys know his story, if you don't know, he grew boobs overnight. Go listen to that episode. It's a fantastic episode. I know a lot of you have actually reached out to him. He tells me he gets love all the time and has talked to people about getting the surgery and everything. Yeah, I think like three guys who listened to the

Starting point is 00:04:25 episode had contacted him and he kind of walked them through surgery so that's cool you know definitely that's like super positive that he was able to help people out and and you guys seem like a good couple and a fun couple so i always like seeing him we are our first date was a bukkake yeah that's what he told me. Tell him. Yeah. Tell me about it. He told me.

Starting point is 00:04:49 I was like, there's no way. He's like, yeah. Because he told me that he would go watch them at first. And then he said your guy's first date was. How does that even come about? Well, he had worked for Big Brother magazine, which was the magazine before Jackass. And it started as a skateboarding magazine. And as a joke, they would go to Bukakis. And he told me about it.

Starting point is 00:05:10 And I was like, oh, that sounds so fun. Because I'm a very voyeuristic person. Like, I've never been on the set of a p*rn shoot. I would love to direct a p*rn one day, honestly, just because I think it would be creative. I don't know. It seems fun. what's holding you back it's not like you couldn't find some people and do it i know i i know what i know that you just

Starting point is 00:05:32 really drove me now i really just feel like that's back i'm gonna make calls at one couple three covid test and there's your threesome right yeah it's true um what's the what's the p*rn you want to direct is it male female oh is it a, female? Oh. Is it a bukkake? No, not a bukkake. You don't want to direct that? No. You don't want to direct 14 guys? It was dramatic.

Starting point is 00:05:50 I honestly felt- For who? For you? Yeah, no sh*t. It was so sad. It was like- That's what we talked about. I'm like, you're telling me that somewhere out there in Los Angeles downtown, there's

Starting point is 00:06:00 a girl- Chatsworth. Oh, okay. Of course. In the p*rn capital of the world. Yeah. In a warehouse or whatever and there's these guys that are doing this for and for money and he's like yeah it's uh it really

Starting point is 00:06:13 feels like it's like the end of the road you know you feel like you're witnessing you know the end of someone's career and so it has like that energy in the room and on top of that you're getting come down by 50 strangers it's just like a bad vibe it was just bad vibes that was your first date because we thought it'd be a funny story we did it for the story sure yeah so what's the p*rn you would direct um i don't know i haven't given it too much thought yet like right off the top of my head but probably like a guy girl. And what I have noticed is that I hate just like the lame scripts. You know, there's a lot of bad writing and like p*rn. So I think I'd want to do something like a little more fun and creative.

Starting point is 00:06:58 And yeah, I don't know. I haven't given it too much thought ahead of time, but I just think it'd be like fun to do. All right. Yeah. You're definitely different. You're definitely different. You're definitely different. So you definitely also have a wild past you've told me about. So you're from Westchester, New York. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:07:14 And are your parents still together? No, they divorced when I was 10. I have a very eccentric, dysfunctional family. As most of us do, I realize that it's more common to not um have like a normal family people yeah like steven's family's pretty normal and like i felt a little uncomfortable at first because i was like are they gonna think i'm insane but um it's fine but yeah my mom was a model and my dad was a fashion buyer and um yeah so i grew up in like a very sort of model was your mom like a runway model or

Starting point is 00:07:46 editorial yeah like print she did some runway too um but like a lot of like gucci ads and stuff and um cool sh*t like that have you seen those yeah yeah they're me well what she used to do is like you know like a parent would sit down with their child and like read like a book in front of the fire she would show me her modeling portfolio so she set me up from the beginning to just not feel good you know what i mean like it's all about looks i swear to god she rubbed it and i don't think she meant to but she like rubbed it in my face so much that i hated having my picture taken for my entire life because i just like never thought i would be good enough you know i just like my dad was like into photography so it would always try to take pictures but i like i never smiled in photos until i started dating steven i swear to god my whole life how long you how long ago was that so it's i've been smiling for four years

Starting point is 00:08:38 how's it feel good good good i turned out to have a nice smile you do have a nice smile yeah yeah that's what people say so um so yeah anyway so yeah so i had these very dysfunctional household my parents would fight a lot um and when they got divorced when i was 10 like it made sense to me like it didn't depress me are you an only child by the way no i have a brother who's two years older are you close um yeah okay yeah but i seem like the older sister like i'm like very extroverted i'm like my dad like we're um you know we're like loud eccentric like driven kind of people and my brother's very introverted uh like my mom kind of just more low-key um yeah but my dad's like my parents like loved studio 54 like my dad's obsessed with quaaludes like he looks like he is in the rolling stones he has like a ton of like like a moth of

Starting point is 00:09:33 like hair on his head and like my mom grew weed when i when we were growing up like at our house and you know my parents drank a lot every night so like i felt like the supervision wasn't really there so i started drinking like pretty early when i was 10 at 10 what are you drinking um the first night there was like an old you know the old liquor cabinet and just taking shots from that we had like 11 me and my girlfriend we had like 11 shots of some like disgusting alcohol she woke up in my backyard when we woke up the next morning, she was like, it had, it had rained.

Starting point is 00:10:08 There was dew on the grass and she just woke up outside and I had like broken all these dishes. My parents had no idea. They like never knew what I was doing. My dad would like pass out like drunk and I'd like sneak into the city and take the train and take like ecstasy. At how old? Like 15. Good God. Are you serious? But everyone did this. Like, drunk and i'd like sneak into the city and take the train and take like ecstasy at how old uh like

Starting point is 00:10:25 15 good god are you serious but everyone did this like so i grew up in west everyone you hung out with did this but so we lived in the suburbs outside the city so there was nothing to do but like party in the woods and you know kegs and stuff like yeah so you know if you if someone's parents weren't home we would try to go to that house if not it was a field party totally totally yeah so like it was super normal it wasn't like outrageous that but i remember like like i was at like a party when i was younger and like i drank and like no one else did and i was like dancing on a table because i saw that somewhere when i was like 12 and like everyone was like concerned about me so I realized I got like attention from doing that yeah because I felt like I didn't get attention growing up because my brother he was dyslexic so like back then I feel like um when they like put you in a special

Starting point is 00:11:15 ed class uh if you can't read you know what I mean or like if you're having trouble in school I feel like today it's a little different but like all the attention was like on my brother so like I had to do everything that I did to, like, get my own attention, which was, you know, drinking and partying and acting out. And, you know, I was in the principal's office every day since I was, like, in second grade. I pulled the beard off Santa Claus. Am I going too far? I feel like I'm, like, just bouncing off everything. In second grade? Yeah, he visited. You know, there was, like, an just bouncing off everything. In second grade?

Starting point is 00:11:45 Yeah, he visited. You know, there was an assembly of Santa visiting. So I went up, and when I got on stage, I pulled his beard down, and I said, Everyone, he's fake! I got in so much trouble. I didn't get candy! Everyone got candy! I didn't get candy!

Starting point is 00:12:04 So it was like sh*t like that like i was ruined that dude's whole gig i was so bad i was so bad chelsea yeah all right so you said you started drinking at 10 does that mean that you continued or that was the first time you had alcohol did you actually continue to drink yeah it wasn't like a daily thing it was when we could get alcohol so like your first taste was 10 and you yeah like it was probably like an every weekend thing or something up until yeah yeah i wasn't like a daily drinker in high school it was like you know a couple days a week i mean i started probably 14 and it was like bullsh*t wine coolers and it was like uh if anyone could get it or whatever yeah we had like

Starting point is 00:12:45 the room temperature georgie vodka you know what i mean yeah okay so your parents split at 10 who do you go to live with so we stay in our house and my dad moves to the city to his like bachelor pad where he had playboy on demand which was like my first introduction oh that's where you're seeing that stuff dad i gotta put lots and it was like always on do you remember that channel playboy on yeah i remember it yeah it was like always on and oh and also so my mom was obsessed with howard stern you know so growing up like that was like what we listened to on the way to school. Like we didn't have like the Disney CDs. Like we listened to Howard. So like,

Starting point is 00:13:26 I'm just like explaining, I'm setting up why I am the way I am. You're doing a great job. Cause I want to make an excuse and be like, no, look like it's not my fault. You know, like no one is paying attention to me.

Starting point is 00:13:36 And we just like had all this like sex stuff going on. Um, not in like, not like I was watching my parents f*ck, but you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. It's around. It's the, it was the playboy, but also that you also have sex.

Starting point is 00:13:53 Um, those print ads are sexy. You know, it's a lot of beauty and looks and extrovert, you know, a lot of cleavage, all that skin showing. So, yeah, I mean these i don't know what your mom did on the runway but some of these chicks on the runway today got dental floss on it you know you're like god damn yeah lingerie shoes and stuff and like again like we have like a very superficial family like we loved like going out to like you know like all the nice restaurants and traveling and fashion week and stuff in europe and but it

Starting point is 00:14:25 sounds like and maybe i'm wrong but at least sounds like body positive and maybe a little bit too early too young but yeah it's around and it's easily accessible yeah yeah yeah they're not putting the locks on the adult codes and sh*t on no it was just on like if we turn on the tv it was on like because that's the channel he turned off when he went to bed. Exactly. And I would think about that. I was like, oh my God, he was just watching that. And then when he would come, that's so funny that you say that.

Starting point is 00:14:53 Because I was like, why didn't he hit last? Well, my daughter busts me on, not on that. But she thinks that every night I go to bed with her. When she falls asleep, if I don't fall asleep next to her, I get up and I go watch Netflix or whatever. And she'll see that it's on my Netflix profile. And she'll turn it on and she'll look at me. She'll be like, you were out here watching TV last night. And I go, how do you know?

Starting point is 00:15:13 She's like, it's on your profile. I'm like, f*ck. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm getting busted on that. Relieving footprints. But not p*rn. I know.

Starting point is 00:15:20 Yeah. Like when he would stay at our house for the weekend, like he'd order it too. So it would just be on the TV. If I turned on the TV, it was just always on. Like if he was around, it was on. And he started going to strip clubs too. And I would hear them fighting about it. And I remember being like 16 and like having the thought like, I want to be a stripper when I grow up.

Starting point is 00:15:43 Isn't that strange? I remember it like photographically. Just like I was sitting in my bed and I heard them fighting and I was like oh like that's how you get attention like he's over there doing that and my parents are fighting about it it must be something important so like it like sunk into my head and I was always like that's so weird that I would like think that like why would I want to do that I'm like I don't know it just seems fun so like the idea of being like a bad girl who was like wild was very attractive to me you know clearly yeah so we'll get to that yeah um but at age 15 you said you told me you started doing cocaine yes now who introduced it like where do

Starting point is 00:16:23 you find it who introduces you to it and what made you not scared to death to do it well i always wanted to do co*ke i just knew i can't do heroin for some reason i was always like you can't do heroin at 15 you knew you always wanted to do yeah i was already like you know i started smoking weed when i was 12 i was smoking like blunts with pcp and stuff what yeah and blunts with like crack in them um crack like 14 15 who's where are you getting weren't they called woo bangers i don't know what you we had um my brother i tell a story on my album about my brother smoking it with a friend a cousin on pcp and um what did they call it their sherm or something like that then the cocoa puffs yeah yeah yeah

Starting point is 00:17:07 paul chuck paul the pcp yeah the first time i smoked pcp we're at this random guy's house and he his mom was a professional clown and she came just like when i was high she came home in the get up and i was just like like there was a woman with like huge shoes and like he was like grilling an iguana like on the it was like nuts like it was just weird do you say grilling an iguana yes it was like so horrible what the where the f*ck were you scary just like some like the next town over kind of like weird sh*t like that but so i was always experimenting with drugs hanging out with like weirdos and stuff, you know, drinking Robitussin in school and getting high.

Starting point is 00:17:48 Is that where you're meeting these people, high school or no? Yeah, like through like people in high school. Friends that way. Like the weird kids. You know, I hung out on the trail where everyone smoked cigarettes kind of thing. Yeah, I was like, you know, one of those kind of like outcast kind of kids.

Starting point is 00:18:03 So you're weed at what 12 yeah cocaine at 15 who introduces you to cocaine jordan i would say his last name but like whatever no you don't yeah so he was like the druggie of the school um like the the number one like bad kid and i knew he was doing co*ke and i was like oh i want to do it so i skipped i remember i skipped like the last class i had which was art you know you remember all those little things and um and we went to like uh like a like a complex that was behind the school and we did like lines of co*ke on uh like the playground or something and then I was like I want more of this and I didn't even really remember getting high because I think he was cutting it and like charging me money for it

Starting point is 00:18:45 but i just kept buying it either way and um and then i would do it all the time by myself like all the time and no one knew i was doing it and i really loved having that secret really how much are you doing um like a bunch of line you know it's like you're in high school yeah before school in school school, after school. In school? Where are you going to do it in school? I love doing it in school. So my thing was I'd go in the bathroom.

Starting point is 00:19:09 Look how you light up. Did I? My mouth is salivating. Can you hear it? I'm like, can you hear it? I can't hear it. You perked up. You're like, I love doing it in school.

Starting point is 00:19:19 co*ke excites me. co*ke probably would have made school more. I'm swallowing so much salivary now. I'm like, can you hear it? It's going to sound like a Tim and Eric thing, just like. I was doing it in the bathroom, and then I had that Rolling Stones 40 Licks album, which was like all the hits. And I would listen to like She's a Rainbow high on co*ke walk around in the hallway. And I felt so f*cking cool.

Starting point is 00:19:43 You know? How would you do it? Just like. In the stall? Yeah, in the stall, i felt so f*cking cool you know what how would you do it just like in the stall and yeah in the stall like off like a textbook or something you know some cute high school and you never got caught well okay so a girl i don't know how this happened but some girl who was in my brother's like special ed class um this bitch i know f*cking bitch what was her name stephanie or something uh she either saw me or heard me doing co*ke i don't know but she told my brother and he told my mom and that day she picked me up from school and took me straight to the doctor's um and he drug tested me and it goes she has a lot of co*ke in her system so they were trying to like figure out like right from

Starting point is 00:20:24 school she took you yeah it was like i didn't know what was that drive like i didn't know what was going on she's like we're going to doctors and i was like okay like i was just like always like hi like i would put like nicotine patches on to like get something out of it you know what i mean like i was just always kind of like out of it just like chilling and just like um so yeah so we went there and got tested so then my parents were like we have to do something about chelsea because you know she just keeps getting in trouble now she's doing co*ke and um so they sent me to boarding school in switzerland because we had like a family friend who was going there but it's like there's no drinking age there yeah it's yeah

Starting point is 00:21:04 yeah so they sent me to this like super so wait that's the immediate decision is you're they pull you out you're what sophom*ore 16 yeah yeah i was uh 15 15 and they pull you out of school what what month like what semester are you i did this uh i did the second semester so they sent you to switzerland for a full semester yeah i was there for like eight months and it's a boarding school yeah it was the american school I did the second semester. So they sent you to Switzerland for a full semester. Yeah. I was there for like eight months. And it's a boarding school?

Starting point is 00:21:27 Yeah. It was the American school in Switzerland. So it's all like super rich kids whose parents are like diplomats and super wealthy political people and all that. So were you guys, I mean, your parents, your mom was obviously sounds like a successful model and your dad. Were you guys pretty well off? We were upper middle class. Upper middle class.

Starting point is 00:21:45 Okay. So you could afford boarding school in Switzerland for... We could afford one semester. One semester for one kid. My grades were so bad. They're like, you're not going back there. Okay. So what happens over there?

Starting point is 00:21:59 So I get there and it was just like a free for all. I mean, like there's no drinking age in Europe. It was just chaos. We can check out for the weekend and go to Italy. No. Yes, it was crazy. So it's worse. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:22:13 I got like alcohol in Lake Lugano and like fell in the lake and like was not captured and saved. It was just like, you know, no supervision. But they would do like breathalyzing tests sometimes. So we'd like someone said like if you eat a stick of butter like it takes a lot of all these yeah does that work though i don't know i can't remember so we would eat like sticks of butter if we found out we're on the list then like they were supposed to do drug testing and when we got there i was like oh i didn't know that this was going on i've been smoking weed so i'm gonna need four months to

Starting point is 00:22:44 clean it out of my system. And then I just kept, like, getting out of it. So I never was drug tested. So I was the only one who was, like, doing co*ke there. I would walk around and, like, get it in the town from people. How would you? Like, people walked around and, like, had it in their mouths wrapped in saran wrap. And you'd be like, bamba, bamba, is italian for co*ke because we're in the italian

Starting point is 00:23:05 section and then they would just give it to me and i remember their mouth like yeah i think because they want to swallow it if like a cop yeah yeah and then i remember just like doing yeah co*ke off like the toilet in mcdonald's and oh i know on the back too it's so gross i know now it's gross but when you're 15 you're excited to do co*ke. You're not, like, thinking about that it's on a f*cking toilet, you know? Oh, my God. You're too much. All right, all right, all right.

Starting point is 00:23:34 Yeah. So do you come back worse then? I came back. Oh, so this is the thing. So before I went, I was anorexic. Like, I weighed, like, 80 pounds. Holy sh*t. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:23:48 And I was super skinny. Guys didn't really pay attention to me. I was kind of just, like, a crackhead, you know? And then when I came back, I had gained probably, like, 15 pounds. Okay. I had dyed my hair blonder. And all of a sudden, I was hot. And I came back with, like, boobs.

Starting point is 00:24:04 And, like, I was, like, a different person. You know? And then i came back with like boobs and like i was like a different person you know and then i came back from like europe so i had like a cool factor and then i was in like a different group of friends after that so i come back and and now i'm partying with the popular girls and you know hanging out and smoking blondes are you still doing the same sure? Are you still doing co*ke? Yeah, yeah. You're doing all that. Yeah, but more so like, yeah, yeah, co*ke, yeah.

Starting point is 00:24:29 co*ke, weed, and drinking and all that. So what was your parents' attempt to send you to this boarding school? Was it to get you clean and sober? I don't know. I think it was more like you need a change from your environment. Because it was around the time that people were sending kids to, like, outward bound programs and sh*t like that. Remember that?

Starting point is 00:24:45 But I'm grateful I didn't go to those because you hear a lot of bad stories about those. Yeah. Yeah. So you're back. You're 16. Do you start dating? So at this point you look different. Do you start dating now?

Starting point is 00:24:59 And now are the boys paying attention? It was more like guys would hook up with me. But like I never had a boyfriend until i was 18 was that by choice no just like no one would be my boyfriend i don't know like i liked guys but for some reason they just i don't know i don't know what it was about me maybe i was too wild and i i don't know i don't know how old were you when you lost your virginity? 16. See, I got to say this. I was 15.

Starting point is 00:25:28 I was about to be 16, but I was 15. And I feel like for your wild past, I feel like that's a responsible age. I know. I was like the last one. Because I'm surprised that if you started drinking and sh*t at 10, yeah. I was kind of, I wasn't like prude, butude but i was like i feel like all my friends were like f*cking and stuff and i just like didn't really have anyone to have sex with i was a little like picky with my taste like i liked a certain type of guy um what was the guy what

Starting point is 00:26:00 kind of guy well i was like in love with this one guy and to this day i'm like why didn't you like me back you asked them no i just like sometimes i this day, I'm like, why didn't you like me back? You asked him? No. I just like sometimes I think about it. I'm like, what was wrong with me? Do you ever like have that still? I just like a year ago, two years ago, I had a girl who's married now.

Starting point is 00:26:17 We're all friends and stuff. And she is gorgeous. And back in the day, there was a little something. And she said to me what was wrong with me like why didn't you ever and i was like huh she's like i would have been and i was like you would have but i just i don't know sometimes we're guys like we just don't f*cking see it you know what i mean no he knew he did i was like obsessed with him but like we we would hook up but then i ended up becoming best friends with his sister and then when i got arrested for

Starting point is 00:26:52 throwing a party i had to go to this outpatient rehab and i had to pee in a cup and i didn't know anyone who had clean pee the only person who i knew would have been a child so i went behind the guy i liked back and i asked his youngest sister for her pee and after that he never f*cked with me can you imagine why you're like i don't know why i don't know i guess that i think we just like 10 i was like can i have some of your pee please i i still feel like it was kind of wrong I think we just figured it out. How old was his younger sister? Like 10. I was like, can I have some of your pee, please? I still feel like it was kind of wrong of me. But I, like, gave her a canister.

Starting point is 00:27:33 I did it behind everyone's back. It was pretty scummy. Yeah, I think it might be the reason. Yeah. And he had a foot fetish. So I was, like, 16. And I'd be like, what do you want to do? do and he'd be like you know what i want to do and then i would just cut to me like giving him a foot job like in a basem*nt like it was horrible that was it that was pretty much yeah it was weird a lot of weird

Starting point is 00:27:56 fetishes like i watched a guy friend of mine like f*ck a balloon when i was 16 what do you mean i don't know i just feel like it's weird to see a balloon and a foot fetish in the same year when you're 16 virginity yeah but it's like anyone else just like having normal sex i watched a friend f*ck a vacuum so okay yeah that's fun wow yeah he had his i've told the story but i was you know washing my hands and i had I heard the vacuum on, and I heard it go, and I look in, and he just has his dick stretched. I mean, it is dangerously thin, and he has got it out here. That's horrible. I thought it was going to slice off, and I had to tell him. I had to yell, get your dick out of my grandma's vacuum.

Starting point is 00:28:40 Did you try it? The f*ck not. Yeah. That sounds painful. It was an old Hoover, too, that was metal. I really painful it was an old hoover too that was metal i really thought it was gonna slice his dick off yeah but then he continued he told me he would f*ck his dad's shop vac and stuff like that while his dad's working in the garage got cum in it and sh*t i'm like ew you're you're f*cking disgusting it becomes a thing yeah it becomes an addiction

Starting point is 00:29:00 yeah like i like i had that with my electric toothbrush i'm like did my mom think i was brushing my teeth that much wait what like you know when you find like your first kind of like oh this vibrates you you've masturbat*d with your electric yeah on the back of it though not the that would be insane but i did that all the time in high school. I was addicted to it. I was so addicted to it that I got nervous. And I was like, I have to stop or this is going to ruin my sensory. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God.

Starting point is 00:29:35 You are hilarious. Okay. All right. There's a lot to cover. Yeah, there's a lot. Let's talk about losing your virginity. Would you say it was a normal experience? The age range, I think, to cover. Yeah, there's a lot. Let's talk about losing your virginity. Would you say it was a normal experience? The age range, I think, is normal.

Starting point is 00:29:48 Yeah. So it was with my brother's best friend, which I think really f*cked him up. Your brother? I think it really hurt him. Yeah. He wasn't the same after that. Yeah. I feel bad.

Starting point is 00:29:59 But it was at his friend's place who was the wealthy kid in school. And he had a triple keg party. And we went upstairs to his room. And he put on the Paris Hilton sex tape. I guess he had it on VHS one night in Paris. Yeah, but that's, like, your background. It sucked. It was horrible.

Starting point is 00:30:19 And, like, people used to say, call me Paris because my hair was lighter. And that was around the time Simple Life was on. And I think I, you know, was kind of drawn to it. So I was extra like dumb and stuff because I thought it would get me, you know, attention. So it just felt like very strange that he put that on. And then I was like, you're taking my virginity. And he's like, no, I'm not. I was like, yes, you are.

Starting point is 00:30:42 And he's like, no. So then he denied it. Yeah. All my clothes were still on. I was like, yes, you are. And he's like, no. So then he denied it. Yeah. All my clothes were still on. It was like horrible. And then when he left and then comes back, he like went to the bathroom, comes back in. I'm like waiting for him in the bed. He goes, you're still here. It made me feel so bad. I know it was horrible. And then you had sex. No, no, that was after. Oh my God. Yeah. Like I thought was going to be my boyfriend after that. You're still here is what you heard. He goes, oh, you're still here?

Starting point is 00:31:11 I was like, I'll leave. Yeah. I felt very unwanted. And that's your brother's best friend? Yeah. Oh, man. I know. What a scumbag.

Starting point is 00:31:19 Yeah, that's a real dick. I mean, I don't think anybody's first time is, like, great, but at least you could be nice about it. Well, this girl told me that, like— How old was he, by the way? Sorry. Like a year older. Okay. Yeah. I mean, but you hear other stories.

Starting point is 00:31:32 Like, a girl was like, oh, like, my boyfriend, like, spread rose petals everywhere and sent me a bath, and we listened to Mariah Carey. So I was comparing myself to that. And it was, like, did not work. That made me feel like sh*t. I got a you're still here. Yeah And it was like, did not work. That made me feel like sh*t. I got a you're still here. Yeah. I was like, oh, okay. That's one way.

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Starting point is 00:34:03 That's 20% off plus free shipping with the code HONEYDOO at manscaped.com that's 20 off plus free shipping with the code honeydew at manscaped.com thank you manscape for making our holes look sexy now let's get back to the dude okay so after that do you start dating more do you start do you get promiscuous or do you not um i was like the slu*t of the group so like i also i think around this time it became pretty clear that i couldn't handle my alcohol i would get like the most drunk out of everyone um so what are you drinking uh like 40s of like malt liquor so i would drink like 240s of like colt 45 or whatever and then i would just get deuced out do you remember that term deuced out i thought it was east coast term um but you're also younger way younger than me yeah yeah yeah

Starting point is 00:34:50 so anyways i would just like hook up with like multiple guys in one night not like f*cking but i'd like make out with one guy and then i'd like you know get fingered by like another guy or something but i didn't really have any boyfriends until I moved to Hawaii and I went to college there. It was the only school I got into. What school? First, I went to Chaminade, University of Honolulu. And then I transferred to the University of Hawaii, the bigger school. But I started dating a guy there who was like nine years older than me.

Starting point is 00:35:21 And he was bipolar and alcoholic. He was really bad. And we had like a really crazy like sin and nancy type relationship um it was just like really dark like all we did was like fight and f*ck i put that in quotes because he had like a band and i think that was like one of his songs fight and f*ck yeah you know like you get it he was like a surf instructor he had a huge dick huge like huge emphasizing huge like like a liter like evian bottle come on yeah good god huge do you like how it shows evian and not poland spring i do i like that i like that i thought you're

Starting point is 00:36:02 gonna go fiji for hawaii but whatever true. So yeah. So then we had like this f*cked up relationship and I wasn't getting the attention I thought I deserved. So I became a stripper. In Hawaii? When I was 20, underage. And there was a girl who I was friends with who looked like me. Yeah, I guess so. You don't have to be 18 there? You have to be 21 because it was a full nude place. So I just used her ID. Okay, so hold on because we're just jumping into stripping now and you're rolling right along here what you're not getting the attention you need you had always thought back in the day you wanted to be a stripper so what like how did it happen yeah like do you did you know some strippers or something like that okay that's usually how i feel like there was like a really cool girl at my college i went to like this really small private school and there was

Starting point is 00:36:49 a girl who stood out she was like gorgeous she had a nice car she had really cool clothes and like she was in one of my classes and she was just like i was just like i want to be friends with her you know she was older and then we hung out one day and i was like how do you have all this stuff you know like i was very like naive, even though I thought I was very smart and from New York and like had all these experiences, like just like partying and traveling and was cultured. Like I still was very dumb, you know. And she was like, oh, I'm a stripper at this place. And I was like, oh, my God, I want to do that. What do I have to do?

Starting point is 00:37:28 that what do i have to do and she was like okay go to walmart get um uh like a like a 12 by 12 or however the f*ck the measurement is of uh of faux fur and then get a foam square and glue the foam onto the faux fur and that's like gonna be your mat because like you had to like walk around with a mat because you'd be on a stage in front of people. And everyone had their, like, furry mat. Like your own yoga mat or something? It was, like, a furry square that you would put your knees on and dance on. Okay. So she, like, taught me about that. And where to get an outfit and shoes from.

Starting point is 00:37:57 And then she gave me, like, an old ID. Because we looked identical. And then I just got a job there. And I was already, like, an alcoholic at this point and I knew that I had to be sober the first night or else I wouldn't get hired so it I literally drank every night and partied and I was like all I have to do is get through this one night because I wanted the job and I wanted to make money and right before that um I had worked at Nobu for like two weeks being a hostess. And, you know, and I was always like into working and stuff.

Starting point is 00:38:30 And my dad, he had lost his job. He had like a really high paying job. And because of the like everyone firing for Chapter 11 in 2008, the financial crisis thing, it just like scared me scared me and i was like i feel like i need to be independent now you know like i'm 20 like i don't need his credit card and i want to make my own money and i was like okay well i'll be a stripper like i'll make a ton of money and i'll just like have a really fun life and you had no reservations about getting naked in front of strangers or any of that stuff it seemed like fun fun and exciting. Okay. And I had a good body. Fair enough.

Starting point is 00:39:06 Fair enough. It just seemed fun. I don't know. It seemed fun. You weren't worried about, like, what people thought of you or people seeing you? So the first – okay. So it's my first night, and I am called onto the stage. My name was Courtney because I wanted, like, a normal name.

Starting point is 00:39:30 And I'm walking out. My song was The Dope Show, Marilyn Manson. And I'm walking out from the dressing room. No joke, 20 of my closest guy friends walk in at that very moment. I do not know how they were tipped off. Somehow they knew that I was going to be there. I't know how until that like to this day but they all like it was like a scene out of a movie the song starts i'm walking out they're walking in they sit right in front of me at the stage i'm dead sober and they're all like my best friends and um and i just had to go and did you go yeah i f*cking went

Starting point is 00:40:05 and like i just like i just i clicked into something you know it's like you feel like you're like i just like treated it like it was like a role in a movie like i was not myself it's like you just become a character and you get this like extreme like confidence and you're just like f*cking you you become like super powerful you know i feel like that's like a thing that people don't or can guess like about strippers it's like you do click into this thing where you feel like you're like putting everyone like under a spell and that you have the control so that was like i feel like like an addictive part of it too because you just become this powerful person, even if in your regular life you don't feel that way.

Starting point is 00:40:48 So you're getting the power and the attention. Yeah, and the money. And the money. Are they doing you right? Are they at least throwing singles your way? Yeah, I made so much f*cking money, and they're like, wow, you have an amazing body. And I'm like, thanks.

Starting point is 00:41:00 And it was fun, and I did it. Did they all hit on you after that? One of them I ended up f*cking. Not that night. Just one. But, you know, like, Hawaii was, like, a fun place because, you know, that was, like, during the time when they were, like, I don't know if they still do this, but, like, making it rain. And, like, you know, just throwing, like, piles and piles and piles of money at you. And people, like, they're on vacation and traveling.

Starting point is 00:41:26 What's the best night you had money wise and how long did you strip how many three years three years and that was your job like your main job for three years okay yeah uh well i started in hawaii and then i moved to new york city um and then i was doing it there I think the best night was probably like 1200 or something but that's like from being in private rooms and stuff okay yeah a thousand something like less than between a thousand and two thousand I can't remember you said there were some funny stories well okay so around this time is like when I got really bad with co*ke too and it got to the point in New York where I was so high on co*ke that I wouldn't even make money I would just start freestyle battling customers what do you mean at

Starting point is 00:42:11 the strip club I got obsessed with freestyle battling I was so good at it you're dressed like a stripper and you're just freestyle battling naked I was so good at it and what do you mean what would you do I don't know. I'd be like so high on co*ke. I'd be like, give me a B. And then you'd battle them, and if they lost, what? I'd go up to every black guy and just start battling them. And it was a trip to them.

Starting point is 00:42:39 They were like, okay. I'm sure it wasn't the way that I thought it felt. This naked chick over here. jaws on him yeah i was f*cking free i was out of my mind and i would like battle anyone on the street like i'd walk down the street in new york and just start like freestyle battling people you gotta get on the breakfast club or what no what's that no sway sway's got the one with the freestyle i honestly. Honestly, I'm not making this up. I feel like when I do co*ke, I become incredible at it. But it's like putting my suit on, my Spider-Man outfit. Because when I'm sober, I don't know if I'm good at it.

Starting point is 00:43:17 Do you want to drop one? No. No, no, no. Oh, it's been too long. Those days are behind me. So you said you made me write a little notes down. You had presents also. So I would get presents from customers, which I thought was just strange.

Starting point is 00:43:37 I always feel like the strippers I've known in the past always have regulars and sh*t like that. Yes, yes, yes. I had a lot of regulars. But some of these guys don't want to f*ck but they'll pay your bills sh*t like that they just like to come see you like you're their girl yeah there was one guy who like really liked hanging out with me but he would just come and tell me about other girls that he was in love with like i remember he printed out like a picture of a stripper from another club from like google and he would like talk about her like it was his girlfriend but i knew it wasn't you know

Starting point is 00:44:09 sh*t like that and he ended up buying me like louboutins and sh*t and um you know like i would meet guys and like one guy bought me a selene bag and like just brought it to me and i never saw him again like sh*t like that but um like one time a guy was like oh i got you like a present like and i was super excited and then i like took it out of the bag and it was like a double xl like rainbow wool turtleneck sweater from macy's what the f*ck it was just like odd it was so big and like so ugly and i just had to like pretend i liked it it was just like weird or like a guy who i would always go to private rooms with would be like, oh, I got you a present.

Starting point is 00:44:48 And I'd be like, yay, what is it? And then I'd open up a brown paper bag and it would just be a tub of KY. Like, they're horrible presents. Yeah, they're horrible presents. Good people, though. Came from the right place. It was gross.

Starting point is 00:45:04 Let me catch my breath. you ever did you ever dance at scores or any of those you did so because i was gonna say i'm asking because you know why i'm asking you're a big howard fan and that's that's how i even ever found out about scores yeah yeah so i danced at scores west which was the new one on after they changed the laws or whatever and they had to move out of giuliani yeah so like um scores on the east side became sapphire and um i went to scores west because my dad lived on the east side so i was like if i am on the west side he won't see me but it was always a gamble because he went yes right and uh so did you ever see any of the stern crew or anything come in no but two of my dad's friends the first time i was like so high on co*ke and so drunk and i don't know how it

Starting point is 00:45:55 happened but i was talking to him i think about like life or wanting to work in fashion or something and he was like i know you he was like, I know you. He was like, you're blah, blah, blah's daughter. And then I was just, like, mortified. And he goes, if you give me a dance, I won't tell your dad. And then I take off my dress, and he goes, you look just like your mother. Isn't that horrible? Oh, my God. He said that?

Starting point is 00:46:17 Mm-hmm. And then, so I left that club, and I went to Penthouse, which was. You left that club because of that? Yeah, because I was like, there's too many people here who I might get caught. But only one caught you so far. Yeah. So then I went to this other club, Penthouse, and I was about to go in a private room with this guy. And we were talking.

Starting point is 00:46:36 And again, I was really high and co*ke talking. Kind of the same conversation. He was like, I was with you at the soho house last week with your dad like we hung out all day at the pool he's like you don't remember me he's like i've been your dad's like closest friend for like 30 years and i was just like oh and he got like so freaked out and like disgusted and like i was like please don't tell him please don't tell him and he's like i won't and i was like please please please and then i left work and i got a text that said you just broke my heart at like 4 a.m and like i felt so bad like all it said was you just broke my heart and it was like yeah i thought i didn't talk to him like

Starting point is 00:47:19 is this the guy that gave me the k1 no it's my dad i didn't talk to him for like two months i felt horrible you were just scared to talk to him i mean what am i gonna say you know i just went out that night and i just did co*ke all night for like days and um the good thing was you know i am sober now so when i made amends i made amends to my dad for being a stripper and what did you do it was actually a nice experience um to be able to like apologize i mean like making amends is kind of an awkward situation you have to sit across from someone and basically like apologize and be like what can i do to make it right sort of thing and you know i just basically was like you know i'm sorry that you went through that and then i

Starting point is 00:47:59 embarrassed you and that our family and um i'm really sorry you know that i did that and uh he was like thank you and like i felt like it like helped our relationship not that we had like a f*cked up relationship but just i think it was like a nice experience to share with him and to apologize because i could tell he like appreciated it what about your mom how did she feel about it so she found out because i just had so much money and uh you were banking huh i mean like i i had like such a fun life you know i was just like always traveling and just i didn't have a job so they're like what are you doing and then my mom's like are you a a stripper? And I was like, yeah. And then she. So she knew before your dad?

Starting point is 00:48:47 Yeah. She did. I think so, yeah. And, yeah, she, like, this is so f*cked up. But, like, she, like, let me borrow a pair of her earrings one night for work that were, like, super expensive. And then I, like, lost one of them and she got really mad at me. And she, like, still talks about it to this day. But I just thought it

Starting point is 00:49:05 was weird that she like didn't care you know yeah like i did co*ke with her on my 21st birthday for real like she your mom she's a model they have bad boundaries you know like she has really bad boundaries like she just tries to act like my friend instead of her daughter so what about none of your brother's friends ever saw you or any of that huh then what did he think of it who your brother uh i don't think he like i think he knows but i think he doesn't like i remember he picked me up from like the airport when i was coming home from college and he was like that mic a little closer and he was like are you stripper and i was like no and he was like all right anyways and i was just like so he never asked me about it again he probably knows but like we just never talked about it you know because i

Starting point is 00:49:53 think it would hurt him too much um so what that's what then you never went back after your dad found out or did you know i did i worked i just kept club hopping and then i the place i stayed at was a place called new york dolls which was in tribeca where all the financial district guys went and then what and that was like a seedy like dark fun place yeah so i i was doing that for a long time and then i started dating a guy who i liked and he was like look i really like you but you're a stripper i don't want to do a stripper. So I was like, okay, I'll stop. So I stopped and I got a job actually working for Gavin McInnes.

Starting point is 00:50:30 You know who he is, right? He's the guy who, it's so weird to say this, but he is the guy who started the Proud Boys. But before that, he was the founder of Vice Magazine. And he had a production company and a online magazine that was, like, his second offshoot of Vice. And I worked for that magazine and that production company. And this is before he was, like, a weirdo. He, back then, was, like, you know, respected in, like, the downtown New York, like, scene.

Starting point is 00:51:01 And, like, a guy from Vice and a lot of people idolized him and stuff. And totally different person. So I worked for them at this production company and then what happened with the dude you liked oh um we were together and then he just wouldn't commit to me so i was just like f*ck this guy you know like it was three years and i just wanted to i started doing stand-up he was like judging me and like didn't get it and like he was kind of just like sucked and he was boring and I got sober when I was dating him and I was just like I need to move to LA I always wanted to live in LA and I was 26 and I was like I'm not gonna stay here and just like waste my life like waiting for this guy who sucks

Starting point is 00:51:40 you know so I moved to LA and started doing stand-up i got a job at the store um and yeah so tell me about this when i hit you up initially you're like well the number one story i think and i'm laughing because you're like well the number one story we've got you know 45 minutes all right it's so tell me about this story what happened to you okay so at this point i'm sorry let me just preface this you're clean and sober for how long up until what you're about to tell me i was just one month away from hitting three years sober wow okay so you're you came to la clean and sober and stayed clean and sober for a bit okay yeah and um I was in a bad relationship with a comic at the store. And, you know, all my relationships up into, you know, this last guy before Steve and my husband now have all been horrible.

Starting point is 00:52:34 So I was used to just having like really toxic, dysfunctional relationships. And with this guy, like it was really like the last one. You know what I mean? Like I I was just, like, I was just done. And I had a feeling he was cheating on me. Do I have lipstick on my teeth? I don't see it. Okay. No.

Starting point is 00:52:56 I had a feeling he was cheating on me. But, like, you know, like, when you try to convince yourself that they're not? Like, I remember I went to his place and he had like a dark duvet and there was like cum stains all over it but like i hadn't been there in like four days but it's like you convince yourself it's like did that come from me but it's like no bitch it didn't like he was f*cking you know what i mean like there was a lot of like things that i was like choosing to ignore and like denial. But I felt like something was wrong. And he had tried to break up with me before.

Starting point is 00:53:31 And, like, I was, like, kind of a crazy chick. Like, he, like, sent me an email randomly one day. And he was, like, I don't think it's working out anymore. Just, like, out of nowhere. So I drove to his house to talk to him. And he lived, like, because he lived, like, five minutes away. And he wouldn't answer. And I saw his little f*cking shoes by the front door and like his car was there and i was so mad i was like ringing his doorbell like fired up and he wouldn't answer so i went in

Starting point is 00:53:55 his garage and i saw a bag of dry cement and his windows were down his car and i poured the whole bag of cement in his car did he go dude i was like f*ck him yeah i i just poured it everywhere and i was like f*ck this guy i was so mad and we got back together after that and he was like lol you're kind of ghetto like smiley face just a f*cking loser and um so out of nowhere uh you know we were hanging out and he was supposed to pick me up from work and like that morning like we had sex like seven times it was like some weird manic sh*t you know and looking back i'm like oh he was like saying goodbye you know what i mean and he was supposed to pick me up from work and then he just never came and i was like where goodbye you know what I mean and he was supposed to pick me up from work and then he just never came and I was like where are you and like he was like I'll pick you up from

Starting point is 00:54:49 home he just never came and I just knew something in my gut was wrong and he just stopped answering me and he was reading my text messages and not writing me back and like we had plans to hang out and like we just had that like romantic morning together and I was so confused but I knew he was doing something and it freaked me out and I literally did not sleep the whole night like I was just like my head was just like going you know and I felt f*cking nuts and then finally in the morning I talked to him and he was like and I hadn't slept at all for like 12 hours. I felt super cracked out. And he was like, I cheated on you. And like, then he like came over and he was like, yeah, I came all over like a 19 year old girl's stomach.

Starting point is 00:55:33 And I want to destroy our relationship. And like, you know, I don't want to be in a relationship with you anymore. And like, I came all over someone else. And he said that. Yeah. Isn't that f*cked up? Yeah. I know.

Starting point is 00:55:46 He was, like, rubbing it in my face, like, trying to push me away. And, like, something in that moment, like, I just snapped. Like, I just couldn't. Listen, that would make a lot of good people snap. Yeah. A 19-year-old girl f*cking in your face about it and sh*t? Like, what the f*ck? It was sad*stic yeah that's

Starting point is 00:56:06 f*cked up he was like a disturbed he would f*ck with me all the time like on the way to meet his parents he like pulled over the car and he's like just so you know my family thinks you're trash and then pulled back onto the road and started driving and i was like and no and they like didn't talk to me when i'm like he just did like a lot of like horrible things that's awful he was very awful. Yeah. I feel bad for any girl. The girl after me who dated him killed herself.

Starting point is 00:56:30 Nuh-uh. Yeah. That's real? Yeah. Holy sh*t. Do you know what I'm referring to? I don't. I'll tell you after. Yeah, please.

Starting point is 00:56:38 Because of that guy? Hmm? Because of that guy? I think so, yeah. And the treatment? Everyone kind of knows that. You know what I mean? Holy f*ck.

Starting point is 00:56:45 He's very disturbing. He's he's like a sociopath but anyways so the second he told me that something just snapped in me i couldn't bear it anymore and i just had to drink you know like i just could not feel my feelings so i drove straight to the liquor store i was just like on one like blinders on like had to get alcohol in my body and like not feel what was going on because I think what it was, it was a whole lifetime of like darkness. Everything we've just listened to. Exactly. Every bad relationship, not feeling enough, you know, not feeling lovable. Like everything hit me at once. Just like, like, like it like turned something in my head so i went to a liquor store

Starting point is 00:57:26 and i was like oh what should i get like i've been drinking three years i got coors light which everyone makes fun of me for because i hadn't drank in three years and that's where i picked up i picked up where i left off because i did i drank coors light when i did co*ke you know it's like yeah i'm the same way i mean it's an easy drink when I smoke weed. Yeah. Yeah. So I got. It's watery. Totally. So I just want to pound water, you know. So I got that and a thing of Smirnoff ice. And. How many Coors Lights?

Starting point is 00:57:55 How much? A 12 pack of Coors Light and a whole bottle of Smirnoff. You drank all that? Raspberry. Yeah. Just sort of pounding it. Holy sh*t. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:58:02 You pick up where you leave off. Yeah. A 12 pack and that? Yeah. So. And where are you. Holy sh*t. Yeah. You pick up where you leave off. Yeah. A 12 pack and that? Yeah. So he. And where are you? I'm at home. So he comes over.

Starting point is 00:58:10 But you're not okay. He comes over and I don't remember anything. I just black out. And I guess like over the course of the night, like I was hanging out with him. And then I think I started like attacking him. I like broke his glasses off his face and like, you know, all that sh*t. So my friend came over to like take over and then she slept on the couch. And then I woke up and I didn't remember like anything, but I just felt like so horrible.

Starting point is 00:58:34 So I just started drinking again. And then like a couple of my friends came over, like seven people. And they're all like, you should go to like this rehab that we were like friends with someone who owned a rehab. And they're like, just go there for a couple of days. Cause I like was like unwell. Like, I just couldn't stop saying, why did he do that to me? Why did he, like, I was on like a one track, like just snapped. And, and then I got co*ke because I wanted to do co*ke before I went to this rehab. Cause I didn't get to do co*ke yet. And all I could get, and now I realize, I'm like, all I could, like, I called this dealer up, and he was like, all I have is an eight ball.

Starting point is 00:59:11 And it's like, you could have just broken off a f*cking gram, you know? But at the time, I'm like, oh, that's all he has. So I, like, got it, and I was just doing, like, so much co*ke, and, like, putting, like, we were on our way up to the rehab, like, driving. I just put my face in it like i'm just like trying to get it into my body as much as i could are you serious yeah i was so f*cking high when i got there you know just like wouldn't stop talking of course like didn't sleep like smoking so many cigarettes and then i was there for three nights and then i got kicked out because so another guy who was there um was a famous actor

Starting point is 00:59:48 son um and he gave me a valium and which you're not supposed to do you know and then i sucked his dick it was so small you love how i preface the dick thank you so then he told on me he gave me the value he didn't tell you that i know isn't that weird he gave me valium i sucked his dick and then he f*cking told on me what a f*cking bitch i know and they're like you have to leave and they didn't kick him out because he was this you know yeah i want to know who it is later yeah yeah yeah um so then i'm oh and right before that i was trying to get someone to pick me up and and I was texting Marilyn Manson. And I was like, please pick me up from rehab because we are friends.

Starting point is 01:00:29 Oh, you are? Okay, I was going to say. Isn't that funny? I just, like, love the idea that I was trying to get him to break me out. How are you friends with him? We just met – do you remember the ATL twins? Do you know those guys? They were in Spring Breakers.

Starting point is 01:00:43 They're, like, these two twins. They're, like like in vice a lot and um and uh and i i met them on instagram and they invited me over to his house and then we kept in touch and we were friends you tell them you danced your first ever strip yeah of course of course yeah yeah yeah we hung out and stuff we kind of went on a date cuddled under a blanket on his couch and made out and stuff and he's a really cool guy yeah um okay so you're texting me out break me out and he was like i'm not gonna do that i don't want to be the one to do that isn't that funny because i feel like everyone thinks he's like this crazy

Starting point is 01:01:15 person but he's like a really cool guy um so i get kicked out my friend picked me up and then i was like i'm just gonna start getting f*cked up so i started drinking i drank a whole bottle of champagne and then i was trying to find people to give me co*ke and no one would give me co*ke everyone's like you're sober like i don't want to do that i don't want to be that person the only person who would answer was like this f*cking loser guy who was like there was a reality show when he was like the friend of like the person on the show you know like that guy like just the loser um he's the only one who answered so he like picked me up in like a convertible and i was so f*cking drunk like again i had drank in the whole bottle and we just started doing co*ke and we went to like the pikey for some reason. It was, like, during the day, you know,

Starting point is 01:02:05 and we just started doing tons of co*ke, went back to his place, and I did co*ke for, like, 16 hours straight. Holy sh*t. Which is, like, how much I normally did co*ke, and then I started coming down really hard, and I felt, like, horrible, and, like, everything started, like,

Starting point is 01:02:23 flooding into, like like you know my head about what went on so I was like I want to die like I want like usually when I come down from co*ke I want to die but this time I was like I'm just gonna kill myself because I felt like so low you know I just felt so broken and I happened to have a Xanax prescription so i went home after doing the co*ke and i took the whole bottle of xanax which was like 27 pills holy f*ck and then i was just like waiting to die and then i sent the guy who my ex an email and i was like see you on the other side like some little like thing and then he called the cops i'm grateful he did um because i would have probably died you know what started happening so literally what is five minutes later next to your body i i

Starting point is 01:03:12 just blacked out you did so literally five minutes later the cops show up after i sent the email like faster than uber like it was so they were so fast they were so fast. They were so fast. And I hear like a pounding on the door. And I'm like, who is it? And like, I'm so f*cked up at this point. I just want to go to sleep, you know? And they're like, it's the cops. Open up. And I opened up the door and he was holding a gun at me.

Starting point is 01:03:37 Isn't that crazy? And I was so f*cked up. Was he worried that you might have been suicidal and had a gun as well? Yeah, I think something. And then he was just like like, pointing the gun. He was like, what are you doing? I was like, I'm just trying to kill myself. Like.

Starting point is 01:03:57 I literally said that, too. I'm just trying to kill myself. Yeah, I was like, I'm just trying to kill myself. Yeah, I was like, I'm just trying to get attention after a breakup. And then. Oh, my God. Yeah. And then what? So I'm laying down now and they like put me back in bed and they like pricked my finger.

Starting point is 01:04:19 I remember. And then I guess they put me on a stretcher and brought me to Cedars. And I don't remember like leaving in the stretcher and I woke up the next day like a full day later and I guess I was like blacked out they were monitoring me and like bringing me down safely um I didn't have to get my stomach pumped but they gave me like liquid Ativan and like just monitored my heart rate and then I woke up in like this other room that had like one other bed in it. And there was like a counter and like someone was watching me at Cedars.

Starting point is 01:04:50 I was like, what happened? You know, I'm just like waking up like Sleeping Beauty and they're like, you tried to kill yourself. And I was like, no, I didn't. And they're like, no, you did. And because of that, you have to be 5150. And I was like, what is that? And they're like, you have to go to a mental hospital. And I was like, no, I didn because of that you have to be 51 50 and i was like what is that and they're like you have to go to a mental hospital and i was like no i didn't do that and then they like press this

Starting point is 01:05:09 button and then a guy comes in the room who looks like the transporter and he's wearing all black and he had a headset and they're like you're going and i was like who i still don't know i'm like who was that guy and all these people like who work there they like surrounded my bed and they're like you have to go and i was like okay can i go to the bathroom and they're like yeah and then i tried to escape down the hall yeah and then the transporter guy got me he's like come over here and i got like nervous and just walked back and then i was like can i have my phone i was like where am i going and they're like alhambra is it alhambra alhambra i go with all yeah alhambra and then i go you're going to alhambra is it alhambra alhambra i go with all yeah alhambra and they go you're going to alhambra mental hospital so i looked it up on my phone and i go i don't want to go

Starting point is 01:05:51 it has half a yelp star i looked it up on yelp and i started hysterically crying and i was like please can i go to ucla like everyone goes to ucla i don't want to go to alhambra i'm like no and they're like that's the only place that has a bed. And I was like, no, it has half a Yelp star. I was like, don't you know who I think I am? Don't you know who I think I am? And I got, like, very, like, upper crust suddenly. And I was, like, waspy. And I was, like, acting like a different person.

Starting point is 01:06:19 And I was like, I can't go there. I won't. And I had, like, makeup all over my face. And I, like, hadn't showered. I looked like a crazy crackhead. So then they were like, here's the deal. You have to go there by law. But once you get there, you can get out. And that's just something they tell you to get you there. And I was like, oh, okay.

Starting point is 01:06:37 So then I started getting like co*cky. And it's like from an outside perspective, I just looked so mentally ill. So they come. They put me on like a stretcher again. They put me in an ambulance and there was like a girl who's like standing over me. And she's like, OK, so, you know, we're going to take you here. And I have this thing in my head that I'm going to get out when I get there. So I just start acting like co*cky and I'm like, oh, I got this.

Starting point is 01:07:00 You know, it's just like mentally ill. And she's like, I'm sorry. I'm like, I'm not going to stay. Like, I know what we're doing ill. And she was like, I'm sorry. I'm like, I'm not going to stay. I'm like, I know what we're doing here. And she was like, okay. And then they just open up the doors. The place, she wheels me in, and I never see her again. They just push me in the bed and f*cking leave.

Starting point is 01:07:15 So they admit me. And I was supposed to be there for three days, but I got out in two because I flirted with the doctor. Nuh-uh. Yeah. So, like, they have to give you an evaluation. And it really freaked me out beforehand because the girl, I was in the room with, like, two other girls, and they were f*cking, like, I know I felt, like, crazy,

Starting point is 01:07:38 but, like, they were legit crazy. Like, I was on the craziest floor because there wasn't a bed anywhere else and like one of the girls was watching me when I was sleeping the whole night just like standing up watching me like that and then like another girl was like moaning in bed like I'm just like this is so horrible you know um and I talked to my dad on the phone and I started crying because I was really afraid and the my roommates were like you might not get out for like weeks and weeks like we've been here for weeks like the evaluation doesn't matter like they keep you here so I started crying on the phone to my dad and he was like shut up shut up he was like don't cry don't cry he was like show no emotion and I

Starting point is 01:08:22 was like and I was like worried they were was like, and I was like worried. They were like tapping and listening. I was like, they're going to find out I'm doing this. So basically I ended up having a meeting with the psychiatrist and he was asking me about everything. And he was like, well, you tried to kill yourself. And I was like, oh no, no, no. Like that was a mistake in the paperwork. Like they messed up. And I was like, well, you tried to kill yourself. And I was like, oh, no, no, no. Like, that was a mistake in the paperwork. Like, they messed up. And I was like, plus, I have a really busy life I have to get back to. So if I could just leave, like, I'd appreciate it. And he's like, oh, what do you do?

Starting point is 01:08:52 And I was like, I do stand up. And he was like, I love stand up. And I was like, you do? And no joke, I, like, hiked up my dress a little. My hospital gown. And I was like, I have to get back to stand up and he was like i'll let you leave now and i was like thank you and then he like let me leave a couple hours later um and then when i left everyone was cheering she's getting out she's getting out

Starting point is 01:09:17 i swear to god i know that sounds like a scene in a movie but it was like she's getting out she's getting out you know like have you seen freaks when they're like one of us one of us it was like that okay so yeah and then back out into the wild yeah and then i was really f*cked up after that and i felt just really really broken and um you know like i went back to the comedy store does that guy know you went through this sh*t yeah he visited me in the hospital but only because my mom told him to and i'm like why would you have him go there but he brought me food because i wouldn't eat the food there so he brought me sweet lady jane triple berry cake bolognese and fries and like clothes but like we never talked again really and then we talked a

Starting point is 01:10:01 couple years later like at the store in the hallway but like you know i couldn't be in the room with him when he was like performing because i didn't want to hear his f*cking voice and like you know yeah it was hard but i i had to rebuild myself and like do a lot of self-work and stuff and then i just felt like i'm never going through that again i'm done with like toxic relationships and then a couple months later, me and Steven hooked up for the first time. And we have been friends for like, four years. And I feel like what's the great part about a relationship is that I was never friends with someone first, you know, like, I was like, throwing myself at guys and just being like, what I thought they wanted me to be, you know, and not quite being myself, really. And like, he knew knew who I was. He, like, loved me for me. And, like, I think that's why our relationship has been great.

Starting point is 01:10:49 And, you know, why it's, like, lasted and why we got married. Because we both, like, knew each other. You know, I think a lot of girls, like, try to be what they think a guy wants them to be. Yeah. Yeah. I think a lot of people do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of people.

Starting point is 01:11:03 I mean. Yeah, I'm sure guys do that, too. So, now you're in a healthy marriage. Yeah. I think a lot of people do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of people. I mean. Yeah, I'm sure guys do that too. So now you're in a healthy marriage. Yeah. Not even relationship. You're in a healthy marriage. Yeah, we're trying to have kids. Are you?

Starting point is 01:11:13 Yeah. Good. Yeah, it's like you can get come in every day for two weeks and still nothing happens. So got to work at that. I know. It's crazy. It's so fun. I'm like, wait, I could have been doing this this whole time.

Starting point is 01:11:23 You just said come then. My brother one time said at dinner was like, how many times can you cum in a person? He couldn't get over it. He's like, Jesus Christ. It's if you don't want it, you'll have it. I know. It's not easy. Because we're like, we're ready.

Starting point is 01:11:37 And then it's like, where are you? It's not that easy. Yeah. Okay. So I want to hear your advice that you would give to your 16-year-old self. Okay. To my 16-year-old self, I would say... I should have thought of this ahead of time.

Starting point is 01:11:57 But just, like, be easy on yourself and everything in life is going to work out. And you just have to... Just, like, don't focus on the bullsh*t and like i understand you want to party and get f*cked up but the sooner you stop the sooner you can get started on what you want to do in life so um you know it looks like you're an alcoholic so you might want to stop i got told i got told i was an alcoholic when i was 16 but i wasn't ready to stop so um i think it's just like don't give a f*ck what anyone thinks and um just like get started on work and like figuring out what you want to do because that's like something i regret like not starting earlier um you know like i had so much fear and i couldn't like do the

Starting point is 01:12:46 things that i wanted to do and um but i think you know everything happens as it's meant to happen so just you know try to stay clear of the bullsh*t and keep it moving and um and follow your dreams that's awesome thank you for being here for real and for opening up. You're really funny and you definitely have no goddamn filter. I know. Would you like, again, please promote anything you want. Great. I have a podcast called The Chelsea Skidmore Show. You can find it everywhere you listen to podcasts and on YouTube.

Starting point is 01:13:17 My Instagram is at Chelsea Skidmore. And I have some cool Mugshot merch for sale right now. So head on my Instagram and check the shirts out. Oh, and if you need credit card processing, check out my husband, Steven. Steven Randolph, 214 on Instagram is my husband. He has a credit card processing, high risk credit card processing.

Starting point is 01:13:39 His company is called Aqua Payments. If you are a CBD company who needs an additional solution because Square and PayPal are shutting down, you will need to contact Stephen. His number is 818-808-2553. That is Aqua Payments at Stephen Randolph. And, yeah, that's it. Thank you. I hope that helps.

Starting point is 01:14:00 You're very welcome. As always, Ryan Sickler on all social media, ryansickler.com. We'll talk to you all next week. Bye.